CLAIMING “OLD” OUT OF TURN

“It may seem unfathomable,” said Jen Chaney in the Washington Post earlier this week,” but Duran Duran . . . celebrates its 30th anniversary this year.”

Me (talking sarcastically to Jen Chaney): Yes, Jen, it’s unfathomable that a British rock group at the height of its popularity in the 1980s could celebrate its 30th anniversary in 2008. Evidently math is not your strong point.

I could forgive Jen her bad math. What I cannot forgive is the next statement she makes:

“Yes, Gen Xers, we are officially old.”—direct quote from Jen Chaney, New York Post.

Me (talking trash to Jen Chaney): Excuse me, Jen, but if you Gen Xers are officially old just because a rock group you listened to in the 1980s has been around for 30 years, what does that make us Baby Boomers, looking forward to retirement and still visiting our Greatest Generation parents in the nursing home? If you claim “old,” as your adjective, is there a word older than “old” left for the rest of us?

Me (continuing to talk trash to Jen and not letting her get a word in edgewise): The way I understand it, Jen, Gen Xers are all you people born between 1960 and 1979—ages 29 to 48. You are in the beginning to middle stages of your careers, have decades left on your mortgages, and have children in elementary school. Old isn’t exactly the word I would use to describe you.

Jen Chaney (stuttering because she’s obviously been busted): But—but—

Me (on a roll): And Jen, we Baby Boomers (born 1944-1959) haven’t even officially inherited the “old” label from our parents yet. We still have to retire and buy patio homes in Sun City and look for supplemental medical insurance to enhance our Medicare. Most of us have all of that ahead of us—and you just leapfrogged right over us and claimed “old” as your own. Typical Gen X—it’s all about you.

Jen Chaney (humbled and contrite): I didn’t think . . .

Me (climbing on a soapbox and shaking my fist): How dare you claim "old" before we Baby Boomers have even had a chance to use it?!? Stop butting in line, Jen X.