BRAND NEW WAY TO WASTE TIME

I found an absolutely incredible website that allows me to waste time in a brand new way!

Sometimes I get tired of the same-old-same-old time wasters. It’s good to find a new one. It proves I have a diverse and eclectic mind.

This incredible website allows the user to upload photographs of two people. Then through the magic of modern computer technology, the program comes up with a composite picture of what their child will look like.

Honestly. How cool is that?

It’s like getting a sneak preview of the future. It’s like being able to get into a little time machine and travel forward into another dimension. Like Star Trek.

Since I have two grandbabies on the way, I am naturally curious about what they will look like. Cute—of course, that goes without saying. But what about the specifics: dark? fair? blue-eyed? brown-eyed? pug nose? French nose? gap toothed? freckled? dimpled?

So I carefully uploaded a picture of my son and his wife. Presto chango: here is what their baby would look like if it is a little boy, according to the highly sophisticated, complex, and reliable computer technology on this impeccably reputable website.

Very cute. I could certainly love a little boy who looked like this. Don’t you just want to ruffle his silky brown hair and tweak his rosy little cheeks?

Then I carefully uploaded pictures of my daughter and her husband into this magical computer website. I chose pictures where they were smiling and relaxed because I didn’t want one of those worried-looking little babies. After much whirring and grinding of complex computer innards, my monitor finally unveiled this little tyke:

Um, wait a minute . . . isn’t this the same kid, just a more sober version? Sure, he’s cute, but—same hair, same shirt? These kids are supposed to be cousins, not identical twins.

Let me try again . . . let’s see. Insert picture A into the magical website; insert picture B. Push the “GO” button to get the composite picture. Ta-da!

YIKES!

Okay, we seem to be going in the wrong direction. This kid’s a tad scary. He’s looking at me like he’s Bernie Madoff trying to sell me a Ponzi scheme.

Perhaps I should just quietly leave this highly unreliable, unsophisticated, rip-off web site and patiently wait four or five months to see what those babies really look like.