Monday, March 08, 2010

DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR

What in the Sam Hill was I thinking when I agreed to run in a 5K on May 15? I never was an athlete. Ever. I may not have been the very last kid to be picked on the team, but I was certainly the second to last kid to be picked.

I will be fair: there is improvement. When I first kicked up the speed on my treadmill back in February, I was able to run for a grand total of 30 seconds. And then I felt like dying. Last Saturday, I ran/walked 3 miles and one of my sprints, the longest, was 5 minutes and 15 seconds. After which, of course, I felt like dying.

The positive thing is that 5 minutes and 15 seconds is 10½ times longer than I was able to run a month ago. The negative thing is that I need to be able to run for about 35 or 40 continuous minutes to run a 5K.

The calendar is ticking away. (Do calendars tick? Mine does—like a time bomb.)

My body is protesting: my thighs ache, my heel goes numb, my finger hurts (well, to be honest, I sliced my finger on the jagged edge of a can I was recycling).

My left lung may have collapsed (why else would breathing be so difficult?). My heart has developed an extra chamber to accommodate the increased blood pumping, and my face has taken on a permanent ruddy/sweaty/blotchy pallor. (What happened to that healthy glow all the fitness magazines promised?)

Then there’s that funny spot that developed on my left foot, so I put Tinactin on it. I have no idea what the spot is, but Tinactin is my cure-all for everything even remotely foot related including club feet, hammer toes, gout, and blue toe syndrome.

If God had wanted me to be a runner, I think He would have said something earlier and not waited 61 years to tell me. It would have been more like a Forrest Gump inspirational thing. Remember Forrest?

“That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run. So I ran to the end of the road. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd run to the end of town. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd just run across Greenbow County. And I figured, since I run this far, maybe I'd just run across the great state of Alabama. And that's what I did. I ran clear across Alabama. For no particular reason I just kept on going. I ran clear to the ocean. And when I got there, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well turn around, just keep on going. When I got to another ocean, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well just turn back, keep right on going.”

No, I’m no Forrest Gump. There’s no Mrs. Gump saying encouragingly, “Run, Rachel, run!” There’s just the sound of my time-bomb calendar ticking away to May 15.

2 comments:

Elaine said...

Well, I'm Mrs. Davidson and I'm saying, "Run, Girl"!

2to4aday said...

A miracle just happened! Right after I wrote this entry, I put on my running shoes and started running. It was like an epiphany--as my daughter-in-law said, "A Forrest Gump moment."

I ran 1 1/2 miles without stopping! And I didn't feel like dying. And I just kept running and running and running. And all of a sudden, I can see myself doing this! It's a miracle!