Thursday, April 09, 2009


Ever since I can remember, my family has celebrated Easter with a ham. It’s never been the Easter turkey or the Easter roast duckling under glass or even the Easter rabbit (which just seems wrong because of all the hard work the bunnies do delivering Easter baskets). It’s always an Easter ham. I believe it stems from the original Easter tradition when the angel rolled a one-hundred pound ham away from the opening of the tomb on Easter morning. (I hope that wasn’t sacrilegious.)

My older sister is the queen of hams. Every time we go to her house, she serves the perfect, moist, delicious ham. However, we’re not going to my sister’s house this year; the ham responsibility is mine.

So yesterday, I stopped by the grocery store to look at hams. I left without even buying one because I had found it less confusing to buy a new car.

There were whole hams, half hams, shank hams, butt hams (excuse my language), butt portion hams with center slice removed, bone in, bone out, semi-boneless, fresh hams, dry cured hams, wet/brine cured hams, smoked hams, hams that were cured first and then smoked, hams with water added, hams in “natural juices” (pig juice?), fully cooked hams, partially cooked hams, uncooked hams, boiled hams, hams that were brown-sugar cured, honey glazed, caramel-color added, and spiral cut—all from a variety of pigs that had led diverse life styles including organic, factory farmed, and free range.

I decided to sleep on it.

My dreams were filled with visions of hams, flying around my house, dropping jelly beans and chocolate Cadbury eggs on my family down below. I think I got the ham mixed up with a pinata. It was a tossing and turning kind of night, but by this morning, my decision was made: a whole ham, bone-in, in natural juices, spiral cut. After a quick stop at the bank to take out a second mortgage on our house to finance the ham, I drove to the grocery store and made my purchase.

I can hardly wait for the wonderful smell of baked ham to fill the house on Easter Sunday. I hope it turns out like my sister’s.

My Dream Ham

1 comment:

bd said...

If it only turned out as nice as the picture....