I stopped short of eating lard out of a can with a spoon over the holidays, but it wasn’t far short.
I believe that for a week, I ate everything anyone put in front of me: butter, sugar, decorative sprinkles, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate, almond bark, pecans, cashews, almonds, potatoes with cheese, potatoes with butter, potatoes with sour cream, and cheese in every form known to mankind: soft, hard, spreadable, shredded, cubed, sliced, and melted.
I ate food that had been deep-fried, French fried, oven fried, batter fried, and Kentucky fried. I ate beef loin wrapped in Prosciutto ham and puff pastry, smothered in onion gravy. I ate lutefisk drowning in a lake of melted butter. I ate chicken livers and chicken wings and other mysterious parts of chicken protected under the ‘don’t ask/don’t tell’ laws.
I ate anything people laid out on Christmas-themed plates next to Christmas-print napkins.
I tried my darnedest to keep walking between company and a trip to the Cities. But my usual 2-to-4-a-day barely made a dent in the new-for-the-holidays 9,000-calorie-per-day food program I was on.
My body protested by demanding Tums at 2 a.m. Even my three-way-stretch clothing protested by refusing to stretch any further.
But it’s finally over. Whew.
Yesterday, for the first time in forever, our refrigerator was back to looking normal. The shelves even had some empty spaces in them. The bowls held apples and oranges instead of gravy and whipped cream. The vegetable drawers actually had vegetables in them instead of spare bags of chocolate chips and chip dip. The cupboards no longer groaned in pain under their burden of crackers and peanuts. And the never-empty plate of Christmas cookies was no longer standing on the kitchen counter, replaced by a bunch of bananas.
It’s a relief. After a few days of sugar and fat DT’s and some psychological tough love, I’m glad to be back on track.
I wish us all luck as we plow through our holiday withdrawal syndrome. During these dog days of winter, I will gratefully go back to living well instead of living large!
P.S. Thanks to everyone who commented on my previous blog. I'm good for another 10,000 miles now, 2 to 4 at a time!